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Before There Was Spam…
I can't decide whether I blurred his name and contact info to protect his privacy or because I didn't want to give him any free advertising. Before there was spam, there were advertising circulars. My...
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March Madness! A Pop Quiz
1. You get an email from your college alumni association informing you that your school’s men’s basketball team is in the semifinals for their national championship. You are … a) Not surprised, because...
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Three Scary Things In My House
Scary thing #1: creepy-looking insect. I was going to use my cat's paw to show scale, but he wouldn't cooperate. You'll have to go by the carpet fibers instead. What is this thing? What planet is it...
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Self-Referential Sunday: My New Posting Schedule
Themed days of the week (Caturday, Wordless Wednesday, etc.) seem to work well for other blogs, so I’ve decided to adopt that strategy to add some much-needed structure to this blog. From now on, I’ll...
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What I Use My Time Machine For, Now That The Novelty Has Worn Off
Like many people, I get a number of free products to review. Sadly, that number is zero, so when I decided I wanted to try the Acme Chrono-Jump Personal Time Travel Device, I knew I’d have to buy one...
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Better Living Through Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Recently, the lovely and talented Peg of Peg-O-Leg’s Ramblings invited several people to write about the same topic on the same day. Sounds exciting, doesn’t it? Naturally, I jumped right in (and in...
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Don’t Look a Zombie Chocolate Bunny in the Mouth
A few weeks ago, Thoughtsy from Thoughts Appear’s Blog sent me a lovely seasonally appropriate confection in the mail. Health and safety inspection Of course, the first question one asks when presented...
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Beyond “Highlight”: Paying for Promotion on Facebook
Facebook is testing a new feature that lets users “highlight” their important posts, making them more likely (but not guaranteed) to appear in their friends’ feeds. This is a fantastic idea. I can’t...
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My Cats Probably Don’t Have the Disease From the Movie “Contagion”
Unlikely Explanations is moving to a new server, and you may need to resubscribe if you want to continue being notified of new posts after the move. See this page for details. This morning I found...
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How to Survive a Solar Eclipse
Here are a few last-minute tips for anyone planning to view today’s eclipse: 1. Don’t stare directly at the Sun. Staring is rude. The Sun has been around for billions of years, and without it, none of...
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Driven to Distraction
My daily commute is an hour of excruciating boredom punctuated by the occasional near-death experience. While I’m driving, I listen to NPR. This week, NPR’s hot topic was lard. Lard was the victim of a...
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I’m Beginning to Think You’re Smarter Than I Am
I go into the salon and tell them I have an appointment with Melanie. They say Melanie’s not here, but don’t worry, we have a guy named Roy who takes care of all our walk-ins. And I say fine, whatever,...
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An Open Letter to The Infinite Monkey Cage
Not a self-portrait. See end of post for all image credits. I listen to a lot of podcasts, and The Infinite Monkey Cage is one of my favorites. Driving to and from work is a little less unbearable when...
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Sparkle
I found my true calling in life at the 13th World Conference on Earthquake Engineering in Vancouver, British Columbia, in 2004. I consider most work-related travel a chore, but this trip was different....
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Probably Not Covered Under Warranty
I love my Kindle. The display is easy to read. The case has a built-in light. And the power cord is, apparently, delicious. It’s an e-reader and a chew toy. My cat managed to do this last night without...
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Fifty Shades of Gregor Samsa
A British publisher has updated some classic novels to make them more like the best-selling Fifty Shades of Grey. This seems like a fantastic idea, so of course I have to join in. Here’s the first...
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How to Eat Fruit
Summer fruits are delicious, but many people miss out on these healthful treats because of the amount of effort required to transform a piece of fruit from its original state into something fit to eat....
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Look! Over There!
I have a guest post at Blurt today — go check it out! Blurt has been running guest posts all week, so the last few posts there are like a Whitman’s Sampler of blogs. In other exciting news, this blog...
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Coffee Conundrum
I have a problem. The following scenario happens far too often: I stop at Starbucks on my way to work, and someone else gets to the door a few seconds ahead of me. They hold the door, I say “thanks”...
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How to Eat Fruit (Fall Edition)
Dana from Zona Pellucida read my piece on how to eat summer fruits and asked: Too bad I haven’t been able to read this until autumn. Are there any recommendations on how to eat fall fruits easily and...
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What’s Your Halloween Personality Type?
1. What’s your pumpkin-carving style? A. I choose the perfect pumpkin, create an original design on paper, create a template, and then cut the pumpkin very precisely and painstakingly. B. I dig the...
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Who is Astrid Volpert? And Other Questions for the Butterball Turkey Hotline
Not the actual turkey hotline (image courtesy of Seattle Municipal Archives) I’ve just heard some exciting news — just in time for Thanksgiving, Butterball has launched a turkey recipe app. At just...
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A Christmas Poem
I have eaten the cookies that were on the mantel and which you had probably left there for Santa Forgive me they were delicious so sweet and so warm — I have read the note that was by the cookies and...
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A Guest Post. By My Cat.
The following opinions are those of my cat, Thunder, and do not necessarily represent the views of this blog, its staff, or any of its affiliates: It was a typical Friday afternoon — I’d spent most of...
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Place Your Bets
I bought this today. Will the evening end … With a perfectly functioning kitchen sink and a massively inflated ego, or With three more trips to Home Depot, or With a call to a plumber, or With a trip...
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The Delusional Homeowner’s Guide to Faucet Repair
My house was built in 1926, but I’m pretty sure the plumbing is older than that — the former owners appear to have found some ancient water pipes made of hollowed-out mastodon tusks and built a house...
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Guns Don’t Shoot People. Ovens Shoot People.
And now, a few important safety tips: Yes, I did just discover the Pulp-O-Mizer. Why do you ask? 1. Before you turn on your oven, make sure there are no bullets inside. A woman in Tampa was injured...
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Good News! Heavily Armed Killer Dolphins Are Not Out To Get You. Yet.
It turns out that the widely-reported news story about those three missing Ukrainian military dolphins (you know, the ones “trained to attack enemy combat swimmers using special knives or pistols fixed...
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Thank You For Reading My Blog. Here Are a Few Things You Should Know.
As part of my ongoing quest to make this blog as confusing as possible, I’ve changed servers again, moving it back to wordpress.com. If you see anything strange, please leave a comment or send mail to...
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Why That’s Not Me Sleeping In A Glass Box at MOMA
Ever since I heard about Tilda Swinton’s performance art piece “The Maybe”, which involves her sleeping in a glass box “on top of a mattress, with just her glasses and a carafe of water” at the Museum...
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These Writing Tips Will Change Your Life
In an attempt to add some much-needed structure to this blog and to provide a valuable resource to the community, I’ve decided to devote this and all future posts to helping people become better...
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Rejected Submissions to NASA’s “Send a Haiku to Mars” Contest
NASA needs your help. They’re soliciting haiku poems to send on a future mission to Mars. - Two hundred million miles from home. Did I forget to turn off the stove? - I love the view but hate this...
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How To Read About How To Determine Your Optimal Daily Caffeine Intake
Ever wonder how much coffee you should be drinking? Head over to The Official How To Blog, where I explain How To Determine Your Optimal Daily Caffeine Intake. And while you’re there, check out some of...
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Total Recall
I’ve had my car for a little over seven years, and I’m pretty happy with it despite the fact that I’ve gotten approximately three dozen recall notices during that time. It all started with a problem...
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Through a Peg, Freshly
Today Peg from Peg-o-Leg’s Ramblings is running one of my old classic posts as part of her “Freshly Pegged” series. Fun fact: Peg is indirectly responsible for my blog’s header image. In addition to...
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New Filibuster Rules for the Texas State Senate
The shoes Wendy Davis wore during her filibuster have some great Amazon reviews Recent events have led some Texas state senators to conclude that their filibuster rules — which forbid eating, drinking,...
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Today Is National Ice Cream Day — Or Is It?
We have always celebrated National Ice Cream Day on the third Sunday of July. – George Orwell, Nineteen Eighty-Four In 1984, Ronald Reagan signed a presidential proclamation naming the third Sunday in...
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Dorothy and the Multiverse
Wait! That’s not helium! — Last words of Henrietta Gale, June 26, 1937. Dorothy’s parents took her to the dog pound on her sixth birthday. She walked slowly past the cages of beagles and corgis and...
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Ten Reasons Why I Haven’t Updated My Blog Lately
1. I’ve been busy at work. I know everyone always says that, but my job is really challenging. Performing brain surgery while rescuing kittens from burning buildings is harder than it sounds. 2. I was...
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Six Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Santa Claus
How much do you know about Santa Claus? Most people are unaware of these six basic facts. Diagrams from Santa’s human-powered sleigh patent (US1419558 A) 1. Santa initially used birds to deliver...
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Yes, Virginia, There Is An Apple Core
DEAR EDITOR: I am 8 years old. Some of my little friends say that apples don’t really have cores. Papa says, ‘If you see it in THE SUN it’s so.’ Please tell me the truth; do apple cores exist? Virginia...
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The Making of OmaMania! The Musical
A few months ago, blogger and all-around nice person Hippie Cahier had a great idea: she wanted to create a video in honor of fellow blogger Omawarison, who’d recently retired from his day job. Her...
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Why Cats Are Better Than Dogs
If you have any doubt that cats are better than dogs, please take a few minutes to do the following: 1. Sit in a comfy chair in a warm room with a cup of your favorite hot beverage. 2. Read the classic...
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Valentine (2014)
Roses are red Violets are blue My library books Are all overdue. Roses are red Violets are too Rose-colored glasses Are what I see through. Roses are red Goulash is stew Have a nice meal And don’t get...
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Pop Quiz: Internet Marketing
1. On which website would you be most likely to find an ad for used kitty litter? The Onion Craigslist Amazon.com Figure 1. What’s wrong with this picture? 2. Take a moment to examine Figure 1. What’s...
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Mudville, 2358 (Casey at the Bat, With Aliens)
Mudville, 2358 The crowd at Mudville Field was full of hope that autumn day. They’d come out by the thousands just to see their home team play. Three billion of us watched remotely from our homes and...
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Zombie Unicorns, and Why I Hate Them
Okay, technically this post isn’t about zombie unicorns or why I hate them. It’s about a short story I wrote called Why I Hate Zombie Unicorns, which you can read over at Shimmer. This is the first...
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Resurrecting the Blog
Your caption here. Okay, I admit, it’s been a while since I’ve posted here. That’s because I’ve been working on a major redesign. From now on, this blog will focus on something that’s tremendously...
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2015 Year In Review
In 2015, I published a grand total of one blog post, embarrassingly titled “Resurrecting the Blog”. Oops. I’ll try to do better in 2016. I did have a few things published elsewhere. There were three...
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A Scene From My Laundry Room, Earlier This Week
Not my laundry room (except for one day last week). The scene: a technician has come to my home to fix my dryer. Dryer Technician (D.T.): What seems to be the problem? Me: Well, it gets hot, but it...
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